Big Toes and Letting Go

For the past year I feel as of my life's motto has been "let go". It sounds so simple, but there is so much more to those two words than I ever thought possible. It has brought peace, new possibilities, and many laughs.

Being a first-time-mom has taught me a lot about letting go.  A former germaphobe, I soon discovered that I can't control everything the goes into my child's mouth. I was even the one that judged the other moms for allowing their child to lick windows or chew on a dogs ear. Not anymore!  After 11 months of motherhood I have come to terms with not being in control. How did this change occur? Well...it involved an unsuspecting big toe. 

A few months ago Hannah and I were invited to a ladies' event that was being held in someone's home. Hannah had just started crawling (or scooting) and enjoyed traveling from one person to the next around the room. I let her go but kept a close eye on her to make sure she didn't bother or distract anyone too much. I must have looked away for too long because when I looked back, she had one lady's WHOLE big toe stuffed in her mouth. She wasn't just licking it, she was sucking and chewing on it!!!

So much terror and disgust ran through me at that point.  After removing her from her Popsicle of a toe the lady told me so sweetly that it was ok, she'd had her bath that morning. I didn't want to tell her that her having a bath didn't make me feel much better, but I refrained. 

As I think about it now, that toe pales in comparison to all the other things I've caught Hannah shoving in her mouth with glee. I've also began to let go of a lot of my expectations and even some of my ever-present pride. I feel as if God has had me in a season of letting go for the past year.  Letting go of my own agenda, letting go of control, letting go of my fear of what people think of my decisions, letting go of everything except what God is leading me towards. At one point I could almost hear an audible "let go and I'll bless you". It will not be perfect, and I'll not always remember.  I'm sure ill have to be reminded on many occasions.  But, that's my goal. I want to freely live in God's blessing, so I'm letting go.  

Who knows...maybe I'll get it tattooed on me to help me remember... Haha!  I probably just scared the pants off my mom right then, but I'm letting go :)